Crushed

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Mysson Victor

Mysson Victor believes in the power of the pen and audacious ideas that move the needle. He is the founder of iRead and runs other digital publications, including Moneyspace, Kenya AI, and Syllee.

Mysson Victor

I am because we are

This entry is part 5 of 5 in the series Mysson's Thoughts

Like a sharp arrow piercing through my chest, 

was the damage that every thought of losing you did to me. 

From 

  • Every phone call that went unanswered,
  • Every  minute on that call when you went silent,
  • Every text never replied,
  • Every response that didn’t come right,
  • Every request that was ignored, to 
  • Every special day that wasn’t remembered

I died, for a few minutes every other time, 

but my doubts didn’t have a basis, or so I thought. 

For some reason, I clang on the hope that this was just a phase, 

and that soon you’d be back like you never left.

I hated to believe I had lost you even before we had started.

Silently, I joked about letting you go, 

but deep down in my heart, I was shouting, come home!

Home to where we converse and reaffirm our love

Home where we share each other’s dreams, 

And commit to walking this journey together

Home where we can look each other in the eye, 

and know that even though we’ve got our ups and downs,

That sparkle remains, ‘cause we’ve got each other.

Home where we hold each other’s hand and know that we aren’t okay, and that’s okay too.

Çause we gonna be okay.

But it wasn’t just the thought or the feeling that had me holding on,

When I shouldn’t have

You felt like home, 

And when home moves, everything crumbles

We lose balance, and everything that made sense before doesn’t anymore

You came uninvited, tearing the walls I had built, yet I let you, even helped you break them.

I devised my plans and put you in the center of them. You were more than someone I would phone when having a bad day, you were someone I would call when I knew you were having a bad day.

Slowly you had managed to engulf me, to a point where I couldn’t imagine my life without you.

I refused to,  I couldn’t, didn’t want to.

But two watches in two different hands, and none of them is mine

Tells me my time of waiting is long overdue

And that am no longer your home.

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